I’m Gay. What’s your superpower?
You wake up another day, look at yourself in the mirror, and you don’t recognize that face you’re looking at. Who is that person? Why is it looking at you? Why doesn’t feel like it is your reflection?
For years, I was that kid in the mirror. Looking at a guy with a sad face, with weeping eyes, and with a lot of fear. I was not looking at myself. I was looking at the person my parents and society wanted me to be. And you know what, that sucks.
My journey hasn’t been easy. I went to therapy, and my first therapist told me that I was choosing to be gay because I wanted to make my dad mad. So she decided to make me a straight guy. I had to act as my other classmates. I had to tell myself that I was wrong. That being gay was wrong. So I told the world that it was just a phase. And the world just did not get it. All at the age of sixteen.
And for years, I kept the real me in the closet. I went to college, where it’s supposed you’re freer to be. And I was really afraid of showing my true colors. At the age of 22, I hadn’t given my first kiss. I hadn’t allowed myself to feel love, to love someone.
I first came out as a Bi guy with my best friends. I didn’t tell my parents about this. But, with this step, I felt a little bit free. I was now able to tell my best friend that I found some guy attractive. I could tell others that I was coming out. But that was a lie.
My first kiss was with a Colombian guy that was studying abroad at my university. And it took me years to accept his invitation for a date. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I bought a shirt, I got a fresh haircut, and I took the subway with a big smile on my face. We went to a museum and to eat something. I was happy.
The night caught us, and we went to a bar. I was telling myself that I wanted to feel his lips on mine but, I was afraid of his reaction, and obviously, I didn’t want to kiss him in public. Before we entered the bar, he put my back on the wall, smiled at me, and told me: “You need to go for the things you want, just like this” and he kissed me.
That day I felt something in my stomach just like an explosion of emotions, and from that day, I knew I was gay. So I came out as a gay guy to everyone, including my parents.
It wasn’t easy, but I did it. I told the world who the real me was. And from that day, I’ve been fighting alongside others who have the same battle as me. And every day, I keep telling myself that everything will get better. That it’s ok to be who I am. And also, I tell my younger version that we have made it. That now, we look in the mirror, and we see who we are in the reflection.
Nowadays, society says that we, LGBTQ+ people are free to be, free to love, and free to express ourselves. But they do not give us the same rights, the same visibility, and the same respect. We have to fight for it.
And let me tell you something, it won’t be easy. But we have made it to this day. I want you to be free, to be unstoppable, and to love freely.
Feel proud of who you are. There is nothing wrong with you. Embrace yourself, and yeah, love yourself.
